I am not sure if we are becoming more and more conscious as a society when it comes to social issues, however, I am sure we are all *Fuckers!
The other day I was practicing my daily routine of Scrolling & Judging on Facebook when this very interesting article came across my timeline: You should’ve asked, by Emma. Emma is a very talented French artist (on her page she describes her drawings as ugly, but they are super cute!), who writes about anything she is interested in. The subjects she approaches are often trending upward because the Internet has enabled us to expose the problems that have always been discussed and fought for throughout history, but has not changed things completely, despite all the achievements of womankind there is still a lot to be done.
Emma’s article is about what she and some other feminists define as Mental Load. A Mental Load is when someone, in this case, women, takes responsibility for almost everything involving the management of the household. So they need to always be aware of what should be solved/ taken care of, and men never take a proactive position towards the house chores. I believe that this situation is very familiar to us in our childhood.
When I was a little girl, I used to observe the way my mother treated my father. She was always serving him, cooking whatever he wanted, putting the food on his plate and taking it to him in their bedroom, as he did not like to eat with everybody else.
If she did not serve him, he simply would not eat.
I think it is great when a couple does things for each other, as the relationship becomes more pleasant because of these exchanges of caring. Wait, Did I say “exchanges”? That is what I never understood. My mother has always worked very hard, got home late, and still had to clean the house, cook and keep everything in order. It is beyond my comprehension why my father never helped her, at least serving himself his own meals.
Since we were little girls, we were and still are taught to clean, cook, and take care of our baby dolls, whereas little boys were and still are taught to use their imagination. They can be astronauts, scientists, firemen, and anything else they desire. When we grow up, women tend to take care of the house and men take the responsibility of paying the bills.
At least, that is how it used to be, like, hundreds of years ago…
Women are now more independent and making enough money to take care of themselves. Although, once we get married and have children, we still carry the stigma that we have to manage the house. Even when a woman works the same number of hours as their husbands, hustling every day to become successful in a world dominated by men, we are still required to be responsible for the house and the children, take care of ourselves by being in shape, always well-dressed, being feminine and still have a big smile on our faces at the end of the day.
That is when the Mental Load bears down on our lives. It is not easy to remember everything we need in order to keep up with all these responsibilities. According to Global News, a study by the Australian National University has shown that “women (on average) work fewer hours at the office. But when taking unpaid domestic labor and caregiving into account, they’re going above and beyond their work-hour health limits.” So, it is even more worrisome when it ends up affecting our health. I even risk saying that it is one of the reasons why men are, in most cases, more laid back and carefree than women.
Women are not in this condition because of their almost-psychopathic-love-for-organization.
Once we are conditioned by society to take responsibility for those things, we understand that if we do not do it, it will not be done and our world will fall apart. Therefore, in order to avoid these stereotypes and make the world a better place, the best thing we can do is to teach our children that everybody that is part of the household, should help with house chores in order to turn the house into a home.
You can read more of Emma’s work at:
It is debatable whether or not I am a feminist,
~Lilian
Ms.LilianQueiroz (at) Gmail.com
*I am Brazilian, and Portuguese is my first language. In Portuguese, we have a phrase that says “Pau no cu”, and there is no way to accurately translate it into English. So instead of translating the words, I will tell you I that the meaning loosely translates into “Someone who screws someone over and enjoying advantages that they do not deserve”. Since English does not have anything nearly that accurate and concise, I will just call those people Fuckers!
If you enjoyed what I wrote throw me R$ 10 because good coffee in Brazil is expensive as shit!
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Ms. Lilian Queiroz 
Very well written piece about that now famous blog post. I read it when it was translated and it changed my outlook on feminism. There is a similar aspect of the inequality between the genders in that men traditionally have two roles: productive and community politics, and they execute them in series, whereas women have the roles of being productive, reproductive (which includes everything about taking care of the family) and dealing with community management, but they usually have to execute these roles in parallel, that is, multitasking, thus draining their energy and furthering inequality.
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Thank you for your comment!
You are absolutely right. The stereotype that women are great at multitasking is based on the fact that we HAVE to execute different tasks all at once, in order to be able to fulfill all the responsibilities imposed upon us.
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A solid amount of insight. The idea that women should do so many things is based on single income house holds. Now that dual income households are the norm those expectations also become unreal. However the act done with equity presents no problems. I want a housewife so I make housewife income.
On the other hand I beleive its important to note. This is not a blackism. This is common among all ethnicities. It’s also a mainstay of history, and deals with ideas of chivalry.
However, there is a thin line between chilvary and patriarchy.
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Thank you!
I agree that it is true for all ethnicities.
I also agree when you say “The idea that women should do so many things is based on single income house holds”. Indeed it used to be true in the past when women were raised to be housewives and nothing else. The problem is that the times have changed, but our society’s mind hasn’t, as women still held accountable for the whole household. Instead of splitting the house responsibilities equally, they have been added to our list, there is no balance.
If a woman wants to stay home and take care of everything while her husband is responsible for the income, that is great, as long as this is her choice.
Indeed, the line between chivalry and patriarchy is extremely thin.
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It’s the idea that women can take on everything and anything… And it’s ok. For instance, I don’t mind catering to my husband and taking care of my household. But at what point am I allowed to have a break? Let’s say we were scheduled to arrive somewhere. He’s already dressed while I still have to not only get myself ready, but dress my daughter, make snacks and drinks to pack in her bag, change her and feed her. Instead of helping with a few of the things to ease the responsibility, since I’m obviously struggling to complete everything in a timely manner, he points out that we are going to be late. Why am I to take on all of the responsibility? The bottom line is most women who are married or living with someone that they are trying to build a life with, feel that the partnership should feel more like a team effort rather than a solo project.
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Hi! Thank you so much for your comment!
I strongly believe that women should be allowed to do and to be whatever they please, mainly if they decide to cater to their loved ones. However, what you pointed out is absolutely true, as taking responsibility for everything is a 24/7 job, there is no vacation or days off.
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